#reverb10 prompt: One Word. Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you? (Author: Gwen Bell)
2010 was a year of uninterrupted movement. Slow, uninterrupted movements. As in, snails-pace slow. Some days I moved forward in my goals only an inch or two. A few times, I jetted forward. But for the most part, 2010 was a year of protracted movement. Slowness.
My entire life changed in May. It changed when I lost the last shred of structure in my life’s schedule: I finished my final master’s degree class. With the last semester of grad school (prior to beginning the non-structured work of my thesis) finished; working for myself and no longer having a traditional 9 to 5 schedule; forgoing my regular studio practices and dance classes; not having a consistent volunteering schedule. On May 14, the final day of my semester, my life suddenly became wholly and completely flexible. Nowhere to be at any certain time, no time-card to punch, no final papers due. My schedule was entirely my own.
And I found something out after a few months of living in an unstructured schedule: I need structure.
I need the kind of structure that allows me to portion out my days and weeks in meaningful ways. Waking up each day and having nowhere that I must be is—surprisingly—not as fun as I expected. It makes me feel pressure to accomplish everything, everyday. I like having class to attend and projects/papers to develop. I like having meetings and responsibilities to which I’m accountable—and can schedule into my days to give them structure. I like structure, as it turns out.
During 2010, I segued from moment to moment. Slow transitions.
This slow movement, for the most part, wasn’t comfortable slowness—it was sluggish and dawdling. It was slow because I lacked schedule and structure in my life. I found out that some structure gives me propulsion to move forward: in work, in my thesis, in projects, even in relationships. I don’t think segues must necessarily be slow. Instead, they can be fluid, steady.
Today, as I look ahead to 2011, I recommit to me. I recommit to my priorities. I recommit to structure. I recommit to my spiritual life. I recommit to God.
I recommit to joy—reverberating, rippling joy.